I seem to be at a loss for words

It's strange to try to write in a vacuum. I know that some unidentified readers may be out there, but I don't know them, so it's hard to frame my words. It's not easy for me to get at my ideas lately. They seem to be languishing under a mountain of background noise.

I haven't had a TV for about a year and a half, and I really think this might be causing a low-level madness to set in. I have always had a television, and like most kids who have grown up since the 1960's it was the centerpiece of my entire existence when I was young. In the last few years of my marriage I didn't much love the tv, but it was always there to keep my company if I was lonely or bored or just needed emotional numbness.

Now I have the internet, and a sort of frenetic social life. I've come to notice that I only like about 30% of the people I go out with to get wasted. Why do I waste my time? Well the 30% are worth it, even if I am cringing at the other 70%.

Human connections are not easy to make and keep. I've been working harder than I ever have in my life to maintain connections with my few elite "good" friends, but it still feels so tenuous. At least you know a tv won't drift away.